Here I Do Again on My Own
Well hither I am finally! All the details you never heard, or wanted to hear. And now without farther adeu, here is my life!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
What do I take to say?
But I have the questions. But I have the answers.
A man's life is defined past their past, presesnt, and time to come.
The acomplishments, mistakes and sacrifices are all accounted for and not judged. All we were, are and will be are part of us at any time. Open up your mind to the countless possibilities. You have the ability of selection. If you don't want something to happen, it won't. If you want somthing to happen it will. You must believe with all your strenght and all your being. Requite yourself a risk. Give the human race a chance...
Sad BUT Truthful...
Thursday, December 09, 2004
STARING Downward THE Butt OF A .xl SMITH & WESSON...
Is this all worth information technology? I believe in it.
Can I still comport on? I believe I can practice information technology.
What can I do? Pray...
What the FUCK is with this year? Why have so many left united states? Why did you take to take them abroad? Why do so many take to suffer?
Earlier on Wed nighttime when I got home, my mom told me the news. Commencement, my Grandmother Misztal was sent to the hospital because she had terrible pains in her stomach region. She had twice the maximum ammount of urine in her than normal. It had to be taken out. My family is going down.
She also mentioned a previous coworker of my begetter'southward that died the solar day before. He was an alcoholic, and I think that finally got to him.
And so my mother said that she had news most my Nani D'Adamo. She has breast cancer. They either have to remove one of her breasts or she will die.
I am a terrible person. I dearest so much all the same I am filled with hate. I dear my grandparents nonetheless I distance myself from them so much. I felt that it would help quicken the blow of their passing some day. I am fucked upwardly beyond all recognition. FUBAR.
Some would say I volition regret this. I don't care anymore. The walls tin can't be held up anymore. I have reached my breaking point. The pain is full. The tears are flowing. I don't know what to practice. I am pitiful for my sins. I am sorry that I accept to tell you what I have to say. The dreams are fifty-fifty more than frequent than before. Why did I practise this? Why practise I e'er have to fuck upwardly something good? Why exercise I have to be so selfish? Why do I have to hurt you lot this way? I don't know anymore. I wish the hurting could exist taken away. I wish I could be taken away. I wish I could forget. I wish I could get-go my life all over.
You know who I am, you volition now know where I stand. I love you. I dear you so much, you couldn't sympathise at this point. Don't blame yourself for anything. I brought this down long agone upon myself. I am then pitiful for doing this to y'all. But, I just can't accept it anymore. I am at my breaking betoken. Information technology hurts so much. Every fourth dimension I look at a flick I take to look away or my optics will get watery. My thoughts are filled with you every day. I tin't terminate it. I accept this horrendous feeling about what I think about where you stand. What yous told me but tin't exist explained past words. I am pitiful. I am so distressing. I don't know what to exercise anymore. I don't know what to say. After tonight, I don't know what to recollect. I didn't desire things to change between the states. I don't desire them to modify, only I just don't know. I tried then hard. I held it back so long. And at present it has to come up out like this? My feelings haven't stopped. I had to suppress them and then you wouldn't know. All those comments almost girls were lies. I really didn't like them. I didn't really want them. I only wanted you. They were simply a distraction from the truth. I had to prevarication to myself to rid the pain. I had to be selfish and downright nasty to ease the hurting. I am scared more than than y'all could imagine. I don't want it to terminate. I don't want to loose what I have with you right now, merely information technology is tearing me apart. I am weak. I am as frail as the next.
I have and will always be your friend. I love yous so much. I beloved you even more at present than e'er. As I take always prayed and said,"My Life is Your Life, Your Breath is my Breath. Please protect her family unit, her friends, and all those she knows and has however to meet. Give her brother strength. Give him my strength. Give them all my force. I want to be your knight in shining armor. I hope yous will take me someday, and I hope I will permit you. I love you."
SO Pitiful BUT TRUE................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Friday, November 19, 2004
CHOICES, CHOICES...
Should I go out, should I stay? Should I just wait and see? I believe that would be the best way to get. Just try things out and see what happens. At that place is always a time to come. At that place are always possibilities.
I will keep my promise and loyalty. My breath is your breath, your life is my life.
There is going to be much fun in life nowaday's. Let's run across what happens.
Sad BUT Truthful...
Lord's day, Oct 24, 2004
Then MANY BEER'south AND And then MANY TEARS...
Dream fast throughout the night,
No time to make it right,
Failed love and failed pain,
Why do I stand here in the rain?
Oh, I don't know how long it's been,
When my life volition start again,
I am drownded past all my fears,
So many beer's and so many tears.
I lived a life that was brusk and sweetness,
No time to take a seat,
Falling downwardly is easy at present,
When I walk out of my town.
Oh, I don't know how long it's been,
When my life will start again,
I am drownded by all my fears,
So many beer's so many tears.
What practice I do?
What will I say?
How do I make it correct any other day?
Take my hand if you see information technology clear
I only desire to make my life disappear!
Time will tell what's in store,
Taking the heat taking the arraign,
I have to make information technology out alive,
All I'll practice is brand a conscious effort.
Oh, I don't know how long it's been,
When my life volition start again,
I am drownded by all my fears,
And then many beer's and and then many tears.
The other solar day I was watching an episode of SG1 from my new DVD. The episode was called "GRACE". Major Samantha Carter was abord the USAF send Prometheus. When they stoped past a strange nebula, a ship attacked the Prometheus. She tried to restore ability when she fell unconscious. She then woke upward with a bad head injury. Best of all the ship was deserted, and trapped in the nebula. She starts seeing her friends of SG1 that shouldn't be in that location, and finds out that they are function of her subconscious mind. They are trying to help her though. The part that actually hit me was when her father told her that there was something missing in her life. She was hurting herself past denying honey. She lived a solitary life, just seemed happy on the outside. On the inside was much pain and suffering. Almost of the men she tried to be with died. The only man she had feelings for that lasted was with her commanding officer Col. Jack O'Neill. In the Airforce or whatever branch of the military such feelings are not accustomed and are called inappropriate. Jack had the same feelings back, but nothing could exist done. They were great friends, and cared for each other alot. She found out that past setting her sights to him, who was unattainable, she couldn't get hurt again, past expiry. Now she must say goodbye to him and try to move on with her life.
Maybe I should do this. Did it take a Scientific discipline fiction series in it's 7th season make me realize this? It helped. I think the aforementioned may have been true here, simply I am not sure. I want to motion on, but I am reminded of what I built within me and how it still hurts. Suppressing it with hopes of other women sometimes helps, but it surfaces again. I wish I didn't take to go through this, but I did it to myself. I seem to accept a pattern of getting myself hurt much in my life. I seem to get myself into trouble on purpose. Why does this happen? I wish I truely knew.
The simply hope I have is for this friend of Dave's named Christina. She is said to be very beautiful, with elogent features. She is likewise into airsoft. This is new! She goes to games, merely doesn't have whatever guns. She is to come up to my party. I must introduce myself to her, and tell her of my interests of airsoft. Mayhap something could happen. The only problem is that she likes this other friend of Dave'southward who likes her and is into airsoft. He won't be at my party. It will exist my only risk to exercise anything. Time volition just tell...
Oh lord give me forcefulness to carry on!
SAD But Truthful...
Wed, October 06, 2004
Information technology'Southward CALLING MY NAAAAME...
Crazy crap lately. Lots of work, loads! To much stress. Want to scream just it won't come out. That is a lie. It has been coming out in my business firm. If my family upsets me they get the burden of things. They don't deserve it. They have enough bug for me to add whatever to their's.
Finally this Sunday I become to drive myself and James to a game! It has been so long to be at a game. But, information technology has been even longer to drive to a game. I experience much better nigh my weekend. I'm cocked, locked, fix to be rocked!!!
Thanks to all for being friends to me all these years. Without your guiding easily and open ears, I don't know how I would have been able to live life. I dearest you all.
DON'T TURN Away BEFORE THE Night IS OVER,
DON'T TURN Away Before THE NIGHT IS GONE
SAD BUT TRUE...
BTW: I will be writing a serial of short stories in my Blog from time to time. Tell me what yous think.
Mon, October 04, 2004
Fourth dimension TO COME FULL Circumvolve...
Have you ever felt like everything is influencing you more than information technology is? Did you ever feel like you were overanalyzing everything, everyone, every step you accept? I don't know I just don't know...
P.S. Thank you lot Athina for your smashing support. I don't think I would have realized it myself if you didn't just show it to me. You are a true friend. This will never become unrewarded.
Sad but truthful...
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Angelo, you lot will never be forgoten. Yous will be missed horribly. Take it easy.
Distressing But Truthful...
JUST A SHOT IN THE Dark...
Well, I guess the cat is out of the pocketbook and now its on my leg and is ripping upwards my pants! Wow! I didn't expect information technology to happen so shortly. I guess I underestimated your cunning ability to put together 1+ane+.05. I don't know what to say. Really I practise, simply I don't want to say it right at present. I don't know why I stay on this field of study. It is very hard to permit it go. I don't think I would ever truly let it get. How can somebody let go of something like that? I guess y'all don't know how far this goes. I'm real pitiful it had to happen like this. I wanted y'all to discover out, but not with all the crap that is going on. This was the variable that I didn't take into account. Sorry won't cutting it. Nada will. All I can say is that I stand here every bit the friend yous have always known in support of you. That won't change with me. No matter what I will non destroy that. I just tin't.
I wish that this wouldn't take been added to your already full plate. I don't desire to turn this into a mess of "I'grand distressing"s and "I wish I could of changed"s. I but didn't know what to do. I didn't like acting all weird. That I didn't similar one bit. I did it because at outset I felt bad-mannered. Some of the time I had other stuff that was bothering me. I haven't felt like myself lately. I experience very strange. Zippo seems right anymore. I experience out of place, and maybe out of fourth dimension. Yous know the thing that I say most me existence older than I really am? I have been thinking nearly that alot lately. Information technology is driving me crazy.
For all of you but tuning in, I am sorry that I have been on this tangent, just afterwards all, its my web log! This is where I let out my deep feelings and troubles in life. Information technology started out as a history tape, but now information technology is a journal of my life and heed. I just wanted to vent off stuff here so I could feel at ease in my daily life. How that worked! Yea right! I don't know. I don't know. Am I losing my mind? I guess we all are. Who knows? It'due south a bunch of senior el crappo jammed up in one little infinite. And then much to exercise in so little fourth dimension...
TOO LATE TO Turn Dorsum Now...
Deplorable BUT TRUE...
Source: https://hereigoagainonmyown.blogspot.com/
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